6 min read

A Vulnerable Confession

I want to share one of my own battles with letting scary feelings stop me from taking action on something I really wanted to do

written by -

Kevin Palmer

Introduction

This week I wanted to give you a peek into a couple of my personal journal entries and talk about some of my own struggles over the last year. I hope you find it helpful.

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We're Not Taught This

In every moment, we have a choice.

We choose our actions, our responses, and we can also choose which thoughts to believe.

These daily choices will determine the quality and outcome of our lives.

In our early years, we’re told to make good choices with our actions and responses, but most of us don't know how to deal with our inner critic. Most of us aren't taught how to deal with the insecure narrative that never stops circling inside our heads.

This ongoing voice influences what we believe about ourselves, the world around us, and how we fit into that world.

And, sometimes, what we believe about ourselves can create big, scary feelings.

It’s these extremely uncomfortable feelings of fear and self-doubt that often stop us from making choices that can move us forward.

My Vulnerable Confession:

I want to share one of my own battles with letting scary feelings stop me from taking action on something I really wanted to do.

I planned on starting this newsletter on January 4th, 2022 (the first Tuesday of last year), but I got Covid on New Year’s Eve. Although I didn’t feel well, I still planned to publish it as scheduled as you can see in this screenshot of my personal journal entry from January 3, 2022:

I never sent it.

I actually pressed the delete button instead of hitting send.

Here’s how it went down:

Thought = “This newsletter is not very good.”
Belief = “You’re going to embarrass yourself if you send it out.”
Feeling = Fear! (fear of looking dumb and failing)
Choice = Deleted the newsletter.
Outcome = A year’s worth of regret, low self-worth, and no forward progress.

Nothing has killed more opportunities and dreams than believing a thought about yourself that is not true.

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“Fear is a reaction, courage is a decision “ -Sir Winston Churchill

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The truth is, we are not the thoughts that are running through our heads. We are the awareness behind those thoughts and emotions.
We can choose which thoughts to believe, and which ones to let go of.

I thought about that newsletter a thousand times after I deleted it. Especially on the days and weeks leading up to the new year.

I managed to follow through this year not because I didn’t have the same thoughts and fears, but because I decided to introduce a new thought, and I made the choice to believe it.

A thought that I actively participated in creating (vs. one that just popped into my head).

My new thought:

“Adding positivity to the world is a good thing. As long as I show up as my truest self, I can accept the outcome. Be honest, do your best, and hit send.”

The world needs the truest version of you. Right where you are on your journey. Just how you are. Doing the work to the best of your ability and with good intentions. Showing up just as you are in this moment.